Life's Like a Trade Cycle.

First thing.. first...Hey nadz, thanks for all your comments babes... its nice to have some perspective on things and to know someone reads moi Blog heh!!

Anyway .... i have not blogged for a while.. coz have been busy with my exams.. and then was at my bf's havent seen him like 5 weeks so it was a super long bank holiday here and i enjoyed my time...

But it made me realise why humans tend to mate( reliance, comfort, dependance... these mundane things no one appreciates)... how many times have you had a friend... a good one or even a decent family friend let you down... coz something else important came up... they feel bad but could not do anything about it... ( in my heart i know its not their fault but i still feel angry at them for letting me down...) and it has happenend to me like two major times this year... you realise... when you are far away from home without a family you tend to rely on your friends alot more... but as much as friends are fantastic (and this excludes those great loyal trusting fantastic friends)... they may not always come thru....

Dont you miss the secondary school days when everyone did everything a part of a group or rather a clique and you would never say no... those undying promises of great friendships... of saying a true friend is one who is always there and who always come thru for u...
What happenend to the great value of friendship? what happenend to that sense of dependance, bonding and trust... it seems to have dissolved against an inherent need to be self centred and impossibly self oriented! and relationships - when pple get coupled except a few couples u never see em apart!!?
Me . Myself .I ..... What happened to those days you cared for others and respected others.... and they were not some mere competition in the game that you had to be better off?

Now friends mean they will be there... to hang around... laugh... movies.. dinners and parties Werent friends supposed to be there thru the happiness and misery? or have the rules changed and no one's bothered to inform me.

I dont know i put my friends high up there.... but how come the favour isnt being returned?

Of everyone i have had in the last year its only my BF i feel i can call up and who will truly help me out... isnt it sad when a day comes, when you can onli trust about 10 pple to help me out in a population of 6 billion? The irony...

Oh well life evolves it goes down and then it comes up... and life will onli keep going down if you let it be!

Insanity it is but truly bizzare

Alone

Hey there,
Know the blog has been a bit empty for a while, not that i didnt have anything to say ( like when has that happenend!!) but i havent had the time coz i am going thru exams!
just finished my first paper.... its suddenly dawning on me its the end of my second year. I have already almost lived 2/3 of the dream i wished for since i was about 14. Im not ready to let go i dont want to. Its so difficult, especially when i know next year is gonna be my final year, it will lots of work and i will be by myself in the halls ..( dont ask why long story) and i still miss all the fun i had in the first year, my bf who was always there, and he has moved away and i dont feel i can rely on him much anymore... he has work, he has a life... its not all about me and thats how it is.

Just feel alone... and i dont quite wanna let this go... its too difficult... i dream is flying by too quick. Im so nostalgic. oh i dont know. i have 2 exams and i dont have time for this, but i think u guys will get what i mean...
I miss home, but i will so miss this ... this here its my life.( with monetary contribution frm dad)

Oh im in a rubbish mood. anyway... will write later when im more composed and together.

A little bit of Hot, A little bit of Intense, A little bit of Smart, A little bit of Sexy = Me....

Okay the title is totally random, but it has nothing to do with what i am gonna be writing..
Today's the day britain goes to the polls.. haha and these pple dont even know the power they have in their hands?!!... Well all of one person in my flat voted.. mainly coz 3 of us are international students who cant and out of the 4, onli helen did and the others.. simply forgot their voting papers at home. Nice....

All i have to say is that now that you did not vote... Dont moan when there is high taxes when you are working, Top Up fees and huge Loans etc.. you did not put your bit in to say about what you wanted..

Its this attitude pple carry of im onli 1 in 6 billion or 44 million what is my vote gonna do! or how does me saving water or electricity help the world.. or what is my 10p gonna do for the poor?
This huge lack of proactiveness!!.. i cant stand.

I will tell you what i believe.. i may be one person.. what i believe i can change the world if i want to... so all you lazy sad pathetic pple.. who feel they dont make a difference ya you are right you dont make a difference!... and its no one's fault but yours.

Next thing i have to get off my chest is about the new movie Kingdom of Heaven! its by the same guys frm galdiators etc..

This time ard a conflict between the Muslims and Christians. and the movie is alot about an advocacy of respect and tolerance. These things that we used to advocate and enjoy greatly.. sometimes i think the lack of tolerance and ignorance is onli in britain coz since the 9/11 i have been here ya.. but the thing i forgot, the lethal combination of G.Bush and Osama Bin Laden have changed the face of the earth forever! The biggest two criminals ever. Intolerance and retreating inward is a momentam that is happening all over the world..

And this great divide in people isnt between the christians and muslims, or any other religion or sect of pple. Its between the fanatics of either side and the liberal, respecting pple ( my meaning liberal i dont mean to say you dont have values.. you do and you believe in them but you allow others to believe otherwise or pursue what they want)

The main problem is not with religions but with evangalism!.... who the freak came up with that. i dont mind learning about one's religions but stop trying to convert me, if i say i am happy i am.. what are trying to prove?that my life is truly sad as it is and i need ur version of god ( ie.brainswashed nutty/loony) the more pple you change the more respect you get at ur church? i dont know how it happens but if one more person trys to spread "the love of my god who is the right god who will bring me to heaven" to me
i will slap u! yes u heard it right SLAP U yes u godly child and no the devil isnt making me do it! this is free will!

god is everywhere and he is in my heart and i pray to him and most importantly
i see my gods everyday in my life, my mum and dad.

-Nuff Said-

Will Distance do us apart?

Well you said i guess we are both very busy people....

So if that is the case does that mean there is no time for you an me... coz if it is the case tell me sooner than later.
It is so fustrating... why does it seem like we dont have time for each other without a friend next to you, without work interfering, without being in the cinema, bus... without you being ill or going to fall ill or without the drink... without having to run to the loo or the kitchen to cook something..

Why is it in a whole week.. there is not one full hour we had to ourselves?
just u and me and the walls.

Its like in the beginning you were like an umbrilical cord i needed you to sustain me.. and you had to move.. so i had to tear myself.. but i still depended on you but it was hard to be self sufficient and now slowly and progressively i am moving on... do you want me to move on... coz although i am growing to be indepedant of you .. i am still close to you but if you dont stop pushing me away i might just go...

Here's a little something from my friend Livia's Blog... ( its linked as the funkiest chic in manchester)
"Conceited, contemptuous people who takes relationships for granted ought to know something, relationships between human beings are never constant, neither is it always there, it can be broken as easily as it was first built."


Distance is a physical thing i can look beyond ... but Closeness is a metaphysical thing that has to exist to sustain me.