The Manly Woman

its 10.51am on a saturday morning.. after hours of tossing and turning on the floor at my friends... Here's the deal.. i am not very emotional in front of pple i dont feel a need for others to know that about me except a select few... i bite my tongue till it hurts and keep it inside , except with a few close friends... but that does not mean i dont have emotions..

And yest i was labelled a Manly Woman by a sort of friend.. technically it should not bother me at all... because it means i dont need no man in my life.. but when guys are all lovely dovey to other girls and they blatantly act differently with you because dont feel like they can wrap their arms ard my small frame and keep me warm or take care of me... is it so bad to be able to do things for your self...

but that label was the epitome of what men saw in me.. a fierce big girl i guess who doesnt need taking anyone... but you know what i need pple

But the whole world doesnt need to know......

If onli you would bother to get to know me... you would know i wld die for a hug or cuddle so bad.. someone to support you to say everything is gonna be okay ... and that i want a partner who is there mentally, emotionally and physically for me...

but you dont and you make crude remarks .... men look at my nice and retreat away... sheepishly giggle and move away.. what the hell is wrong with yall.. sometimes i wish they were never born.

But onli makes me want to treasure and keep my ex ard even more.. he is the onli one who saw me as a girl.. it took me a few months to open up to him as well.. but he he has seen me cry so much... at the bottom of my weakness and insecurities and he would hold me in his arms with care and love.... treat me like a lady.

to all the men out there... a girl might be independant coz she needs to take care of herself in this world... but never ever forget she is a girl... and she has the same feelings as the small framed, pretty woman who acts like she needs you so much.

Life's a bitch at times. It may Hurt, but i will not conform to what i said i wont be... just to earn your desires...

hmm do i need to give a title to ramblings?

I know it looks like i never come to update my blog.. but i do come to it.. i read my own entries.. and for the last few months.. i just could not open up to say much.. i dont know why? actually i still dont.

i want to forget everything i just want to sit in the cold with a friend and watch the world go by, i dont anything else... i feel like i have lost it all.. there is truly no safety net in my life, no bf he's gone.. the friends have here feels like its only time before they are gone.. and all i have to go back to is home. which wld be nice but i am not excited about.

I need to do something.. drastic but i cant seem to figure it... ever felt like nothing gives you pleasure. i am just empty.. nothing makes you smile.. whatever does for a min i want it for an hour. for days for my life.

and i have a ton of work to do.. so i am gonna go.